‘TWAS TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
*A little holiday fun with Clement C. Moore’s
“A Visit From Saint Nicholas”
‘Twas two days before Christmas, when all through the shop,
Not a worker was working or doing his job.
Cards from suppliers were posted with care,
But folks were ready to be home, not there.
Co-workers were nestled near warm coffee pots,
Jacked up on sugar plums courtesy of Supplies and What Nots.
And I in my office and the boss in his own,
Had just settled a grievance over the phone.
When out in the hallway,there arose such a clatter.
I thought to myself, “What in the heck’s the matter?”
I leaped to my door(marked HR Director),
I opened it wide and witnessed a specter.
Pete from accounting wore a hat of mistletoe,
While his prey, Betty and Susie, sprung away like scared doe.
Fears of harassment litigation continued to appear,
As I spied Rex on the copier, scanning his rear.
Such chaos after my holiday party memo!
Which specifically decried shots of jello,
And rum in the egg nog and all bad taste!
My efforts this year had all gone to waste.
Now Tina! Stop Rick! Hey Junie! Oh Ron!
Please everyone, EVERYONE, leave your clothes on!
The holiday spirit and sugar and booze
Were setting the stage of a lawsuit we’d lose.
And then in a twinkling, who should appear,
But St. Nick himself and a red-nosed reindeer.
He corralled my employees around the tree,
And spoke to each one as they sat on his knee.
Their eyes how they sparkled at his dimples so merry!
He chuckled with Lou and smiled at Larry.
He laughed when Leah patted his belly,
Which jiggled and wiggled like a bowlful of jelly.
And finally it was my turn to sit on his knee.
Should I ask him for help with the EEOC?
Or maybe request insight into the FLSA,
Or GINA, or OSHA, or the NLRA?
Or maybe a year where no mishap or romp
Required me to deal with dreaded workers’ comp.
I finally settled on this holiday party
And wished that everyone’d stop being naughty.
Then Santa waved and walked down the hall
Shouting Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas to all!
I returned to my office ‘cause HR’s work never slows
And sat down to revise next week’s New Year’s memos. (Sigh)