‘Twas That Ol’ Christmas Feeling

‘Twas that ol’ Christmas feeling, crawling up my spine.

When the Powers That Be said, “A Holiday Swine!

For each employee, what a delightful treat.

What’s better than turkeys, as Noel-ish meat?”


“Buy local,” they said, and my heart gave a patter.

They get it, these guys! We’ll do something that matters.

A call to the slaughterhouse just up the street

Hmm, wait, is that morbid? I thought for a beat.


Never mind. It’s all done.  We’ll have fresh festive hams.

No worries my Vegans. I’ll get Yuletide Yams.

You’d think I’d know better, with the year that I’ve had

With all that behind me, this can’t get that bad!


Computer security issues, Oh my!

We thought we’d give phishing our employees a try.

One wrong click on a link and more training ensues.

Vowing not to be caught, no one gets HR news.

For open enrollment, on links you must click.

I just hope that my workforce doesn’t get sick.


Bring your child to work day was almost a success.

We had Becky, and Andrew, and then there was Wes.

Who found all the passwords slipped under keyboards,

And he shuffled, and shouted, and called out these words:


Fivedoghair! GoMounties! 1upper and Hatman!

Hotbiscuits! Threegoldfarb! HeartOprah and Buckfan!


To the top of the desk! To the top of his lungs!

Now change ‘em all! Change ‘em all!  And off he runs!


Changes in law on medical marijuana

Caught up to IT fresh back from Tijuana.

“Dude, we thought it was cool now. We all got a script.”

“Whaddaya mean we can’t come to work ripped?”


“For medical conditions, it may be all right.

But, workplace rules still apply, and those are uptight.”

HR’s drug testing program worked on overdrive.

It’s a wonder I managed to come out alive.


As I walk ‘round the building, it seems some are late.

We’d set today aside for plans to decorate.

When they finally show up, heads are hanging low.

Excuse must be a doozy, I can’t wait to know.


“Sorry, we were late, HR. There were traffic jams.

Seems our Christmas treats escaped; squealing, mobile hams.”

I’m sure they’ll be collected, as around I gaze.

That’s the cherry on the year, Happy Holidays!

Vanessa Towarnicky's primary focus is in the area of labor and employment law. She has been involved in representing clients in various employment cases, including sexual harassment; deliberate intent; age, race, and disability discrimination; wrongful discharge; and various other employment-related torts. She is admitted to various state and federal courts as well as the Third Circuit Court of Appeals and Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.
» See more articles by Vanessa L. Towarnicky
» Read the full biography of Vanessa L. Towarnicky at Steptoe & Johnson