‘Twas the month before Christmas,
I’m ahead of the curve.
All our policies in place,
Though I’m on my last nerve.


The year’s been a long one,
But we’re on the last leg.
No more laws are forthcoming,
Not even a reg.


They thought they could break me.
They tried all year long.
 Every move they made, I countered.
Documenting each wrong.


I’ve covered all my bases.
I’ve thought it all out.
No more surprises for HR.
I haven’t a doubt.


Criminal records
And background checks
All are compliant
With E-E-O-C specs.


Job descriptions are updated,
Acknowledgements signed all around,
Ready to accommodate and pay properly
Our essential functions are sound.


Been searching the Marketplace,
Hip hooray Obamacare!
Another minute with that law,
And I’ll tear out my hair.


But the notices have been sent,
Employees now know where to find,
Insurance coverage options
May they not lose their minds.


Social media has been a challenge
For instance, when an employee did tweet
A company secret or three
He was fired tout-suite.


That’s why the company attorney and I
Have become really tight
She’s number 1 on my speed dial
Tho’ no calling at night.


But, I’ve held on regardless,
My sanity deprived
Even when the Thanksgiving Turkeys
showed up alive!


The holiday party’s up next
With Secret Santas and snow,
But to avoid last year’s lawsuit,
There’s no mistletoe.


The booze is gone too,
As well as those cells.
No more postings on Facebook
Of folks wearing just bells.


The Christmas bonus is all that’s left.
The turkey debacle won’t repeat,
Because ham’s not an animal,
It’s totally a meat.


Merry Christmas!


Vanessa Towarnicky's primary focus is in the area of labor and employment law. She has been involved in representing clients in various employment cases, including sexual harassment; deliberate intent; age, race, and disability discrimination; wrongful discharge; and various other employment-related torts. She is admitted to various state and federal courts as well as the Third Circuit Court of Appeals and Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.
» See more articles by Vanessa L. Towarnicky
» Read the full biography of Vanessa L. Towarnicky at Steptoe & Johnson

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