Many thanks to Dr. Seuss for the inspiration

Everyone down in HR-ville
liked Christmas a lot.

But the boss, in his office upstairs,
He did NOT!

The boss hated parties,
the whole holiday season.
Free turkeys, Secret Santa,
I’m not even teasin’.

It could be he was stingy,
wouldn’t part with a dime.
It could be he was busy,
he hadn’t the time.
But, I think the reason most likely of all
Was his brain was not one but two sizes too small.

A year of bad decisions,
kept us on our toes.
Now with the holidays,
The Boss could fix all our woes.
Yet, he looks at our festivities
with a frown on his face.
While each employee decorates
his or her small, cube-y space.

The workers would arrive
for a lunchtime feast.
And they’d feast.  And they’d feast.
Oh for hours they’d feast!
On pies and baked hams and . . . (wait for it)
even roast beast.
All this non-working time the Boss couldn’t stand in the least.

He tried to stop it from coming.
He worked at it year-long.
There was that Like-Liker, a Facebook king.
He chimed in on this, that, and every thing,
including the Boss’s management styling.

“Can him!” the Boss said.
“Set him free for his ‘likes’”
“And for everyone’s comments on me,
I’ll have heads on some pikes.”
“Wait,” cried HR, “but the N-L-R-B,
says we mustn’t punish for solidar-ity.”

“Well, how about Cindy, head of that bunch,
who plans walks and book clubs and holiday brunch.
She takes too much time away from her filing,
expressing milk on her breaks like she’s always stockpiling.
Certainly, she is ripe for a firing.”

But the law is the law
for both HR and bosses.
That’s a no-no that will bring
many lawsuiting losses.
So, Cindy is safe
and the Like-Liker too.
So, Mr. Boss, find something nicer to do.

So the Boss thought
and he thought.
And he came up with a plan.
A sneaky, stinky, slimey plan!

“I’ve got just the thing
to put a wrench in their fun.”
So, he stayed late that night
and undid all they’d done.
He took down their stockings,
their ribbons, their bows.
He took down the tree
and hid it below
And tossed away bags of fluffy fake snow.

The next day came workers
ready to celebrate with joy.
And the Boss in his office,
all innocent and coy,
Waited to hear them all wimper
like a little girl or a boy,
Who has just lost his or her favorite toy.

He waited and listened
and what did he hear.
Happy holidays! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
So, he peeked out the door
to see it all with his eyes.
And that’s when the Boss got his biggest surprise:
Christmas came on its own without ribbons or ties.

The Boss stood there puzzled,
couldn’t figure it out.
He’d done all he could.
He hadn’t a doubt.
Yet, the workers had smiles,
gave hugs and kisses.
They laughed and joked
and wished holiday wishes.

Then, the Like-Liker and Cindy
headed his way
With a box wrapped with tissue,
most festive and gay.
#1 Boss said the mug
which in that box lay.

And, what happened then?
Well, the Boss says it’s true.
The size of his brain grew and it grew.
He got it.  He did.  He finally knew.
So he fetched the tree and the trimmings,
spread joy all about.
That was the day he became a better boss, there was no doubt.
The Holiday Spirit – it can’t be shut out.


Vanessa Towarnicky's primary focus is in the area of labor and employment law. She has been involved in representing clients in various employment cases, including sexual harassment; deliberate intent; age, race, and disability discrimination; wrongful discharge; and various other employment-related torts. She is admitted to various state and federal courts as well as the Third Circuit Court of Appeals and Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.
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